How A Small Mindset Shift Changed My Life

Hey everybody, are you having a great day?

Yes!

Oh no, you're not?

It's okay, I got you.

I'm Tif Loeffler, welcome to Positively Yours.

I'm gonna share Tif's tips, techniques,

and a little bit of magic to help you up level

and have a great day every day.

Are you ready to get started?

Yeah!

Oh, you're not?

That's okay, I still got you.

Let's go.

Hi everybody, I am Tif Loeffler, Positively Yours,

and I am so excited to be in this podcast.

It's my podcast.

I didn't think that that would ever happen.

I tried before, and now it's happening,

and that is part of what I wanna share with you today.

A little bit of who I am, where I've been,

and where I'm going, and why I am so excited

to have a great day.

Because having a great day is a really cool thing.

And I don't know if we give too much conscious thought

of today I will have a great day.

So I'm gonna jump right in and say,

how do you have a great day?

I'm gonna give you one tip.

Yeah, plan the night before.

Wait, if we're talking about the day,

actually, yes, I think planning is fantastic because,

there is a saying, I've tweaked it a little bit,

we don't get what we want, we don't get what we deserve,

we get what we expect.

And I've heard a variation of this,

and I tweaked it a little because, you know what?

We don't deserve to have suffering,

and horrible things happen to us,

and to have horrible days.

Okay, even if you think you do, you don't.

And we want things.

But isn't it interesting,

that there are expectations we place upon ourselves.

And a lot of it is subconscious.

And also, what about that conscious part?

What about that consciousness?

What about that awesome,

I'm here in the present moment with you, let's do this.

Yes, so if I set the expectation,

the night before, that when I wake up in the morning,

I shall have a great day,

I feel that that is a very good thing.

And it can be as complex or as simple as you like.

If you wanna write down a whole bunch of things,

I think that's a marvelous idea.

I don't always, but even if the only thing you do,

as you're falling asleep, say to yourself,

oh, I am having a wonderful night's sleep,

and when I wake up, I am having a great day.

You keep doing that, I cannot tell you

how that can change your life,

and change it a lot sooner than you think.

And I'm all about changing people's lives for the better,

up level.

I think that, well, I feel in my heart,

that when you have a great day,

you are not only celebrating being here

in the present moment,

but this is a celebration for other people.

Because you know what?

Everybody's out there living their lives,

and you don't know the battles that they're fighting.

I've heard that too.

And then I thought, but what about the celebrations?

You don't know that there's something

that maybe they just really wanna celebrate.

And so maybe to say one of my favorite things to do

to have a great day is to say hello to people,

compliment them.

I love saying hi to people.

I find that it's a mixed bag.

For the most part, people go, oh, hi, hey.

A couple of people, you know,

they'll give you the look like,

why aren't you saying hi to me?

As they walk by, it doesn't matter.

You know what?

I'm doing it for my own amusement,

and I love saying hello.

And I just love when I see someone,

and for example, I love the top they're wearing.

And just to say, hey, you look absolutely amazing.

I love that top on you.

Or, oh, your lipstick is perfect.

And once in a while, if I'm able to,

I just like to say, girl, 11 out of 10, no notes.

You're fire.

And just have someone go, oh my God, that's so amazing.

I think I've always been like this.

I grew up in a family of five.

My mom, my dad, my two brothers, and me.

My mom and dad have a lot of brothers and sisters.

So I grew up in a huge family, and I loved it.

I loved that there were cousins around all the time.

There were so many celebrations for, you name it.

I mean, just everything from a,

let's get together for dinner,

to all of the cool things.

The birthday parties, the graduations,

the new babies, the weddings, and yes, the funerals.

And what I appreciate about my family's,

both my mom and my dad's side,

what I love is that I loved connecting with them.

And I think connection is so important.

And that's what I really like to bring

as a connection to my clients.

And I'll talk a little bit about

what I like to help clients with in a bit.

But I think it stems from the fact

that I just loved connecting with people,

sharing stories, having fun.

And it doesn't always have to be a somber occasion

for people to finally get together.

I will say over the years, that has come to pass.

And I am looking at how I can help people have a great day

because, well, I don't know if you know,

in 2020, a little something happened,

and the world changed just a little bit.

And yes, I'm doing my best to let you know

I'm being sarcastic.

Yeah, whole lot happened.

And what were we gonna do?

And some of us didn't have a job at the time.

And there was that journey of reinvention,

and it was a necessity.

And there was a lot of fear.

And that's another reason why I want people

to have a great day is because if you lean into the love

instead of the fear, that's where the power is.

And that is another way to have a fantastic day

is just lean into, I'm here right now, what can I do?

So then I decided, well, what am I going to do?

And there was this new industry to me

that was called coaching.

And I was like, oh, life coaching.

And I knew a tiny bit about it

because my best friend, Terry, with an I,

she saw that I was struggling and she said,

look, I don't know if you would like to do this,

but I have a friend who's a life coach

and I think you should talk to her

and she might be able to help you out.

And because she's my bestie, I'm like, okay, cool.

And her name is Grit.

And I really do appreciate that I got to connect with her.

And she did help me through some things.

Now, I also want to let people know,

look, I would love to put on the persona

that I'm absolutely perfect and I do everything,

just to the best of my ability.

There was a time where I got to a point

where I actually ghosted her

and I didn't know what ghosting was at that time.

And I so appreciate that I get to call her back

at one point and say, you know what?

I just want to let you know,

I'm working on coaching and consulting and all these things.

And she said, oh, thank you for getting back.

I wondered what had happened to you.

And I said, I am so sorry.

I was so sad.

And I'll say it, I was depressed, I was sad.

I just didn't feel like my life.

And I just was too embarrassed to talk to you.

And I'm really appreciative

that I was able to have that conversation with her.

And if I could say that that's another,

I wasn't sure I was gonna throw out all of these tips

for having a great day right away.

But what I love is it just, hey, it pops in my head.

Let's run with it.

It's okay to be who you are all the time.

It really is.

And I'm tearing up a little bit

because I know so many of us, myself included,

just think, God, I'm just not enough.

And it causes us to disconnect from people.

And to have a great day requires connection.

It requires for you to connect with your own heart.

And it also requires,

and I mean this in the best beautiful way,

no matter how much

or how little you like hanging out with people,

connection is essential for our human experience.

What can I say?

The people's thing.

I appreciate so much that I can connect with someone.

Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't.

But I just wanna also let you know,

if there's a time where you feel,

boy, I really dropped the ball with this.

You can pick it up again.

Maybe it's dusty, dirty, grimy.

I don't care what it looks like.

You can pick it up again and go and say to the person,

hi, here I am.

And I get it now.

And I love the reaction of people.

It's amazing.

For a bit of hyperbole, I've never had someone go,

whatever, maybe the response is nothing.

Okay, well, there you have your response.

You did your part.

You can't be responsible for anybody else except yourself.

And I am really learning that this year, especially.

You are responsible for you.

You have control over you.

That's what you need to know.

I want you to know that.

And you're amazing.

So there you go.

It's great.

Now, to the story of me getting into a coaching industry,

I was very excited.

I knew nothing.

I had no job, no clients, no money.

I mean, this is nothing.

But I did take a couple of courses.

And it was very amazing, the energy, the space,

the environment of all these people.

And we're all trying to do the same thing.

And you know what I loved about it?

Of course, yes, there's always gonna be competition.

There's always gonna be, I wanna be the best.

Look at me.

And yet there was this underlying energy of,

there's enough for all of us.

And so that's what I also wanna let you know.

There's enough for all of us.

This podcast that I am currently creating

is a manifestation of a desire.

And I think that is so cool.

And it's a positive one.

And there are times where I have thought,

can it continue to be good, much less great?

And I gotta let you know, here's the crazy part.

Now we all think, oh man,

something's never gonna get the way I want it.

And then when it gets the way I want it,

well, is it gonna stay that way?

Look, change happens all the time.

And I admit, as part of my journey,

I have learned that change truly is a good thing.

When I've gone through the past few years,

I will admit I did my best.

But in trying to figure out how best to help people,

I decided not to help myself,

aside from listening to people who said,

don't worry, I'll take care of it.

And transactions were made, results not given.

And you know what?

That really threw me for a loop

to the point of almost becoming a hermit and just hiding.

I can't even say it was cocooning.

I was just hiding.

It was the definite, my head's under the covers,

days on end.

And the only advice I was getting was,

you should maybe just keep your head under the covers

because we don't know what to do with you

because you seem pretty sad.

And what I think is so gratifying to me

is when I connect with my clients,

whenever I hear them say something like,

you know, I've never really had someone

care about me this much before.

And I just think, oh my God, are you serious?

Like, what?

How could this be?

And you know what?

We need that in our lives.

We need people to care about us so much.

And another thing that I've discovered in helping clients,

and I think this is very interesting,

and it's about the mind-body connection.

I thought that I was helping people with their mindset.

And if I am, a bonus to that is helping people

be fully present in their bodies.

And when they're in pain,

to help them process through it as best they can

on a conscious level and that they are able

to experience relief on the other side.

And sometimes that happens pretty quickly.

And that to me is just,

and I love having those moments.

I love the, you know, mind explosions

and the mic drops and all the things.

And I love learning information.

And so if there's a silver lining

to this journey I've been on of coaching

and consulting and being a guide,

and I went through some very, very low valleys.

I was in a forest so thick,

I couldn't, I did not know where I was.

But throughout, I had the support

of people who believed in me.

And have you ever had that where people say,

just lean on my belief?

It's taken me so long to figure that out.

And what I've discovered just very recently on a new level,

which I'm excited about, is it's about energy.

And you might hear that from a lot of different people.

And I get that, it's all about energy, intellectually.

But now I'm feeling it because when I say to someone,

I believe in you, I am your cheerleader,

we're gonna get this done, it's gonna happen.

When people said that to me, I thought,

yeah, but my energy level is so low on this.

I am so drained, I'm beat down, I'm overwhelmed,

I'm burnt out, it's impossible.

And I've just now realized that,

see, that's my energy over here.

But their energy over here for me is all up here,

and it's big and powerful and bright and shiny,

and it's not going anywhere,

and it's getting fed from a different source

than from where I was coming from.

So I'm saying that to you because it's one of my,

if you wanna say core beliefs,

that there is this energy about connecting with each other

and being together and supporting each other.

And now I feel it stronger than ever

that we are here on the planet

to have fun and get things done.

We are here to celebrate.

Yes, we're gonna learn lessons.

We're up for adventure.

I love the thought of, we're here to have adventures in life.

We're here to have adventures.

We're here to have experiences.

We are here to learn things.

And also, I was gonna say but,

I was gonna talk about a but.

I'm gonna go with and also.

I get that there are certain ways of thinking

that things are destined to be a certain way

or that everything happens for a reason.

I'm just telling you right now, once in a while,

I would like to say something about that

that I probably shouldn't say out of my mouth

out loud to them.

But I'll say it to you.

If you believe that, that's fine.

And for the vast majority of things,

sure, everything happens for a reason.

But you know what?

I truly believe that when we came down here,

I don't care what we thought we were signing up for,

it turned into the wild, wild west, okay?

It turned into, I don't know what's going on.

I signed up for this.

Are you kidding me?

And really?

And the trap could be that now I have to think that way.

And now that's going to limit me.

And I say, no, there you go.

No, it's not limiting you.

And I know sometimes people say,

well, you have endless possibilities.

Sometimes that could be overwhelming.

Maybe we don't have the endless possibilities

in the sense that we can snap our fingers

and everything happens instantaneously.

I mean, I think that would be so fun.

Snap my fingers.

I'm an Olympic gold medalist skater.

Snap my fingers.

I'm a supermodel.

Snap my fingers.

I'm a multi-billionaire.

Snap my fingers.

I don't know.

I'm like a mom and I have like three kids of my own.

And cool, you know what?

That's not in the cards for me at this time.

I'm not blessed with my own children,

but I am so blessed with my family's kids.

And that is another, I just love kids.

I just love children.

I love babies.

I love toddlers.

I love when their kids are going to kindergarten,

that crazy middle school time, that high school time,

because I've been surrounded with it my whole life.

And I love that when you talk to a child

and Fred Rogers is one of my idols,

what can I tell you?

I love that he never treated anyone,

no matter their age, no matter their experience

with anything less than the utmost respect and love.

And that's what I aspire to do as well.

And I love playtime.

I love toys.

I've always loved toys.

I love to create toys, design, share them.

I love playing with little kids.

I find it fascinating.

And I wanted to tie this into play

because when we're little kids, play is our work.

It's important to us.

Why is it that when we grow up,

we're not playing anymore?

Maybe it's just by accident.

I mean, you could choose to do some activities

and when you're having a great day, you're in play.

You just are.

And even if you're working,

even no matter what you're doing,

for the vast majority of it, the greatness of it,

there might be a few exceptions, exceptions to rules.

And also, I love the idea of play.

Play as a means to learn and have adventures

and experiences and have fun

and get things done and be with people.

There you go.

That's why we're here.

So that's kind of my philosophy.

We were not here put on this earth

to put ourselves through horrible circumstances

in order to try to understand something.

If that's how you feel,

I only say good luck

because that's what I would say to myself.

But I also know, guess what?

Life happens.

Things get thrown at you.

And I would never, ever want to disrespect someone

for what they're feeling at that given time

because I've been there.

I have been through some horrible things

these past few years, things that I truly,

oh, it's hard to say without crying.

So we might save that for another episode.

But things that, even if I could conceptualize

them happening, I don't know how I would have lived

through the day.

And I know that for all of us,

we're gonna have moments like that.

And this is where I wanna pause

and just lean in a little bit and say,

I understand that.

And I'm so sorry.

And I love you.

And I know I can tell you something like,

you got it in you.

You got this.

Just keep going.

And sometimes it's not enough.

And I know that too.

And all I want you to know in your heart

is that you deserve, and I'll use deserve here

because I also love words.

I really love words.

I love playing with words.

You deserve support throughout your entire life.

However you need that support, you deserve that.

Go get that support.

Lean into it because the energy level

of the people supporting you is there for you right now.

And it's a lot different than this energy

you're feeling right now.

And I wanna give you that for some comfort.

And maybe that's one more thing

I wanna talk about this whole,

oh, you have to be uncomfortable in order to get somewhere.

And that's the only way I understand

intellectually, conceptually,

but also I've seen a lot of people say to someone,

well, if you're gonna be uncomfortable,

you gotta be really uncomfortable.

In fact, you have to go from here, way back here.

You gotta go all the way over here

and you gotta do it right now.

And isn't that fun?

Isn't that great?

You're gonna have this result.

No, because I'm not only just wading into a pool.

I have now been thrown to the middle of the ocean

without a life vest or life preserver

and I can only dog paddle and I see nothing.

You know, I feel there's a different way.

What I feel is when I help people,

when I support people, I want to give them the power

to see that they can expand who they are

and they can grow into a new level.

And yes, there will be parts of that

that are uncomfortable.

I also love the word discomfort

in the sense that I love words like uncomfortable,

comfortable, discomfort, comfort,

because in our world, we do need some of both

because it gives us a perspective.

But I find it a little atrocious

that people are continually telling others

that they need to be in this discomfort

and uncomfortableness all the time

and that's the only way.

And if they don't, there's something wrong with them.

And I feel there is a different way.

I feel that through a lens of playing

and enjoying ourselves and connecting with people,

we have created this container

that gives us a chance to expand our energy

and expand our energy in a permanent way.

So again, I'm not, I would love to say something like,

I'm an energetic healer, but I do love energy

and I love the concepts and I do love

if there is a way that I can help you

feel good in your heart, feel good about yourself,

help you heal whatever you feel needs healing

because I could tell you, there's nothing wrong with you.

There's everything right with you.

That could land differently on a different day.

So now, what about that great day?

So I just love the thought of,

how can I help people have a great day?

And there's so many different ways

and I've explained a few of them.

And ultimately what I love about a great day,

it's what you make of it.

So that's why I'm on this journey with this podcast

and helping my clients is that, you know what?

We're gonna figure this out together,

but it's about you for you.

This is not about what I think is best.

I can offer you some of what I have in my heart,

but don't let anybody ever tell you,

well, this is what you have to think and do

because look at me and this is how I did it.

How is that serving us?

And remember, you are here to do what's best for you

because you're a person of integrity.

I absolutely know that that would be best

for everyone else too.

And so that's what we're gonna dive into.

Ways to have a great day, connecting with people

and just being present in the love of the present moment

because I love that saying that,

the present moment is a gift.

It really is.

And you get to open that gift every single day

that you wake up.

And I was so excited to wake up today

and have this great gift of this podcast

that, oh my gosh, it's finally happened.

And I am so excited.

And it's just one part of this emerging

new identity for myself.

And so to wrap it up just for today,

the fun part about this new chapter in my life

is that I'm starting fresh, but I'm not starting over.

I don't want any of us to dismiss the past experiences

that we've had.

And as best that you can build from that,

take what you need and do your best to let go of the rest

because if it doesn't serve you, it's not for you.

And that's okay.

But I also want you to know that

you get to take all these experiences with you

so that when you have these highs

and everything's going great, yes.

But when things are going down

and you have to come back up,

you're not coming back from zero.

You're never coming back from zero.

You're coming back from, if I wanna say infinity,

you're coming back from infinity

because you're already everything.

And I love having you here.

And I can't wait to talk about other things

in the next podcast.

So I'm really glad that you joined me today

and learned just a little bit of

what I think about the world and having a great day.