How to Find Your People and Build a Supportive Community Featuring Danielle Benzon

Hey, everybody.

Are you having a great day?

Yes.

Oh no, you're not.

It's okay.

I got you.

I'm Tif Loeffler.

Welcome to Positively Yours.

I'm going to share Tif's tips, techniques, and a little bit of magic to help you

uplevel and have a great day every day.

Are you ready to get started?

Yeah.

Oh, you're not?

That's okay.

I still got you.

Let's go.

Today, we are talking about curating your community.

Now, I love to offer Tif's tip for having a great day at the beginning of the

podcast in season two, and we'll see how it goes, but today is all about curating

your community, and I love this idea because I love the word curating.

We all have people in our lives.

I come from an absolutely, I'm going to say obnoxiously large family.

I'm both my mom and my dad's side, and I love that, and I had this, well, this

thought that everybody would always be connected, always, so how's that

for living in hyperboland, and that's not what happened, and if you are fortunate

enough to have a lot of people in your life and it's like, oh, this is awesome.

I love it.

Everybody here, good for you, and if you have a couple of challenging people or

maybe not enough people, and I strongly recommend, so in this three minutes

perhaps of my talking about all of Tif's tips for having a great day, if we are

discussing the curating your community, it is important to take note that whether

you are someone who is very solitary or you are someone who loves to be

surrounded by people 24-7, we all are going to interact with different

people throughout our lives.

I feel that's in a best sense.

I don't want you to alienate yourself from other people's society.

I don't want you to be alone all the time.

There is a difference between being alone, being alone, and then being lonely.

We as human beings are people who need and want and like and sometimes dislike,

but we still deal with and ultimately do our best to get along with other people.

What does that mean?

Wait, let me try to unpack that because it means to me that curating your

community is essential in having a great day, not just important, it is essential.

I think it would be fair to say that most of us would agree that you do not want

to be surrounded by people who are detrimental to your having a great day.

Whether they are people with bad attitudes, bad habits, bad understandings,

they could be bullies, they could be naysayers, downplayers, we know that at

some point in our lives, we're dealing with people that might not be well

positive, whether optimally positive or just in the moment trying to get by

positive because we don't want toxic positivity.

We don't want a bunch of yes people in our lives saying, oh yes, that's perfect.

That's great when the sky is falling.

However, we want people in our lives that want to be in our lives, that enjoy

being in our lives, that celebrate our lives, that will understand once in a

while, we are going to commiserate about our lives and we're going to talk

about how can we have a great day.

So my number one tip is, in this realm of curating your community, is to each

day, reach out to someone in your community that you have curated that

you know is that truly authentically positive influence.

I am very fortunate that I have family members, I have friends.

It doesn't have to be someone incredibly close.

It can be a new acquaintance.

It could be someone you work with.

It can be anyone that you choose.

And again, I love talking about choice.

So when you each day pick one person, it can be more than one.

And if once in a while you maybe are super busy or maybe just don't want

to deal, there are those days.

We're talking in general.

On a beautiful, sunny, whatever the sky looks like to you, average day,

a gloriously average day.

That's great.

You know why it's great?

Because you reached out to someone.

You had a conversation.

It was just maybe a couple of minutes.

Maybe it was an hour.

I know with Danielle, I can barely keep myself contained to under an hour

conversation at any given time.

And you know what?

That's super fun.

So my point is, it doesn't matter.

You have the freedom of choice.

You get to be flexible.

You can even call someone and say, look, I just wanted to say hi.

I don't even have time.

I love when people do that.

Look, I'm just calling to say I love you.

I don't have time.

I'm thinking of you.

We'll talk later.

And then they hang up the phone, but I had this huge grin on my face

because, oh, that was so cool.

Someone said, look, I just couldn't help it.

I needed to connect with you today because it's helping me have a great day.

And that is what we're talking about.

Having a great day.

Any sorts of tips and tricks I love to share.

And that is my tip for today.

Now onto our regularly scheduled program already in progress, which is curating

your community with Danielle Benzon.

Danielle, please, I invite you to share because the stage is yours and it's a

glorious stage because we're also talking about all the people in the

audience, our community.

Woo!

It's true.

We are.

We're, we are part of our community.

Yeah.

And Danielle, I'm so glad that you were on board to talk about community because

I know that I feel community is important.

Could you start the conversation of why do you feel that it is

important to curate your community?

I think, you know, we are, there's, you know, that old saying, you know, you

are the sum of the people that you hang out with, not sure how I feel about how

it said like that exactly, but, you know, you, certain people are good for you

and certain people are bad for you.

And if you're not like, they might be great, but you don't have to spend all

your time with the people who are bad for you, even if you care about them.

You need to have some people who are good for you, who are filling your cup,

who are making you more strong, more sane, more happy, more joyful.

You deserve to have those people in your life to, to build you up and

keep you strong and happy, you know?

So it feels kind of, it feels kind of silly to say, but it is so important to be fed.

We're so, we're so worried about fitting in all the time.

And it's really important to find your people, find the people who don't

just tolerate you, they enjoy you because that will, it'll change the

way you see the world, you know?

Oh, I love how you said that change, how you see the world.

It's so true.

And if I may, I feel up until this point, we have been talking about

curating your community for your personal day-to-day life.

I know we're going to touch upon how this will also help.

I would like to talk a little bit about women in business and how it's

important to curate that community.

Because what we're talking about is for all of it right now, which is exciting.

And how have you, I would say recently, I would love to talk

about the podcast network, I'm very excited.

Could we talk a little bit, maybe let's just jump into that.

How have you curated your community?

Not only on the backend, if you'd like, whatever you'd like to choose, or how

you're curating the community, like, are we talking about the people?

I'm so excited to be part of the community of the ladies who are part of the first

wave of the Inspired Speakers Network.

It's been tremendous.

It's been tremendous.

So any of that part that you would like to talk about, I would love to hear

because this is very exciting.

Yeah, it's, it is.

I don't know how to, it's so exciting for me right now still, you know?

But I think, I mean, I don't know how, like, I definitely was looking for a

certain type of person who matched a certain type of ethical standard.

They shared my, we're aligned in our values, so that we can all come

together and create something good.

You know, so I was looking for people like that.

I was looking for people I wanted to spend time with.

I was looking for people whose podcasts I wanted to listen to.

I mean, you know, so, and, and also whose voices I wanted to amplify in the world.

Because for me, that's very much what I do is I, I help people to find their

voice and to get it out there.

So it just kind of made sense.

I don't, I maybe don't separate my business and my personal as much as I should,

because I'm so in contact with my clients all the time.

I'm not like create a product and give you the product and you deal with the

product, like interacting with me is the product, to say it like that.

So, you know, it's, I have a very, I have to enjoy it.

Otherwise it doesn't matter how, it doesn't matter what I charge.

I have to enjoy it.

Otherwise my life's going to be miserable.

Because people I spend all my time with, I don't want to like, you know so yeah, I'm,

I'm more, I'm more conscious because my, my personal, my overlap, my personal, my

business overlap so much.

Did that make sense?

Oh, it does.

I, and like I said, I didn't mean to interject.

What I, when I was listening to you, I was loving it because it also now reminds me

of, and I can't remember who it was who said this.

Oh, you want to separate personal from business?

If you're in business for yourself, good.

And it's like, let's just stop that right now.

How can you do that?

It's ridiculous.

Good luck.

The person in this business, I'm not a machine.

I can't, I'm not a machine.

And I love how you talked about the people that you wanted to be around.

Isn't that what it's all about?

We want to be around people we want to be around.

Let's just call it what it gloriously is.

I want to be around people I want to be around.

It feels, it feels really simple, but we get so tied up in obligations.

I'm supposed to spend time with this person because they're related to me or

because we went to school together or, you know, there's all these reasons why

we have to spend time with people apart from just enjoying being in their

company, which is, should be enough.

If I may, something just came up just to comfort people.

Like, for example, I was in a retail environment and I was working with

someone so closely and I did love being with them.

And we lost our jobs, the department folded.

And that person, just for lack of better, they just, they were gone.

And I think sometimes there's that sadness of the pressure of feeling that no matter

what, we're always going to be together.

And that it's not even a problem.

People, it's called life because that other person was dealing with and

has a different life than I have.

And at the time I could say, I almost got upset.

Like, it's not that it's all about me, but why can't you understand

that I want to hang out with you?

And, and there are moments where people are like, you know what?

It's gone.

Like either the job is gone or a connected person is gone.

And that's okay.

It happens.

And learning that has been these past few years, there's been a lot of that.

And that's why it's nice again, getting back to curating your community,

consciously curating your community, because you want to make sure you have a

nice group of peeps around you.

And I call my group, my peeps.

I just like, I got my peeps.

I think of all these little chicks.

Like we're all little chicks.

We're just bouncing around.

Exactly.

That's just, that's who we are.

And to consciously curate it, saying it sounds almost, duh.

But as you said, and it's, it's almost like, why are we even, I love this

conversation, I love this podcast discussion because it's one of those

where, why are we even discussing this?

Isn't it obvious?

Well, it is obvious.

And also, how many times do you see that people do not curate?

And I want to just jump in right now and say, when I was starting a business,

I knew that I needed help without fully understanding consciously,

I need help in a business.

And I'm going to use the word desperation.

And out of desperation, I drew to myself and grabbed whoever I thought was there

at the time, and when I say who I thought was there at the time, well,

they were there for themselves.

I don't think they were there for me.

And there were also some people who, well-meaning, but very negative

and energy draining and, or there were people, so even when you try to

consciously curate your community, I wonder if there needs to be one more

word there because it can be tough when you don't get it right and then you

feel like you're stuck, but remember, you always have a choice.

It's okay to let go of people and embrace new people.

Yeah.

You always have a choice and we grow out of people and they grow out of us.

And it's okay.

It's all, as long as it's, yeah, just as long as it's positive, you know.

I think why I really wanted to talk about this is because it is so important and

your community does not have to be huge.

That was another thing.

And I think I'm really glad to mention this because I feel to have these pauses

is important because we're talking about our lives, our daily lives.

And I used to think it was quantity over quality for sure.

Yes.

We know quality is important, but I needed to have all of these people.

We need to have so many people and now we will flip it.

And I'm working with Danielle and Danielle is quality.

And I am so grateful to be a part of her community.

I'm so glad she's a part of the community that I'm building for myself.

And I do want to let, give us that grace, all of us, that curated

community does not mean I got to get a whole bunch of people together

and it's got to look a certain way.

It does not.

And there is a beautiful example of freedom and choice because now that I am

with Danielle and she is my mentor and my coach for speaking and for business.

And I don't feel the desperation of having to go outside for a whole

bunch of different people constantly.

Cause again, we're all energy, energy beings.

We're all, I'm going to get woo.

Everything's energy.

It just is.

And you're going to expend a lot of energy if you constantly feel you have

to go out there and chase constantly.

Once in a while, it's fun to go chase things.

I'm gonna tell you, but you can't 24 seven go out and chase, chase, chase,

chase, chase, you are completely exhausted and it is exhausting.

Yeah, it's really exhausting.

It's for me, I'm an artist's daughter, so it's always been quality

over quantity for everything, you know?

And so that's just how I want to live my life.

I want to live my life, not surrounded by, not like surrounded by beautiful

people, but surrounded by beauty, surrounded by love, surrounded by

happiness and joy and real connection and humanity, all these huge lofty things.

But it's in your day to day that it's important.

And you're, how much of your work is here?

Like how much of your day to day is your work?

Oh, so I want to live a kind of quality life as well.

So like by curating my community, I also get to curate my, my world

because those people make up my world.

My work, most people's work day is more than half the day.

So it just makes sense to me.

And it's making more sense to me now.

In fact, I was inspired to draw.

I don't know how to draw a globe, but I think if I had green and blue,

it would look even better.

But I just drew a circle with a couple little squiggles as you

were talking, just like, yes.

Because nowadays I feel, I wanted to, it just entered my

head about the global community.

We have this huge, we are so connected in so many different ways.

And there might be the thought that it's easy to be a part of a community.

And it is.

And I still want us to, I'm going to spit it out.

I want us to think for ourselves.

I don't want us to be all just, I can't just go through what everybody else

says, because I just want to be a part of a community.

Being a part of a consciously curated community means that you're

bringing yourself to the table.

And this is a beautiful table where everybody is invited.

And also I think that there are times where in the past for me, I just

wanted someone else to do the thinking for me, as far as a community.

Like, I'll just, I'm checking out.

And I think that was just because of exhaustion and not knowing my worth.

I do like talking about worthiness and of course we're worth it.

We're worth bringing our voice to a table and being a part of a community

where, you know what, we're not always going to be eye to eye.

We're not always going to agree on everything.

And I welcome that.

You don't want a bunch of, again, getting back to that, somebody says

yes to you all the time.

Oh, that can be, we need a little spicy variety.

And I like that.

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

But also some of us, you know, our community is smaller because

we're a little bit odd.

And so we're, we're, we're much, we're more different than other people,

you know, and so having the globe available, it's not that I'm friends

with everyone in the globe.

It's that this space is big enough for me to find my people and maybe

none of them live next door.

But now with this amazing technology and everything that we have, my

community doesn't need to be in person.

My, most of my community, like the people that I consider part of my, my

life and part of my family and my business, they're online, like friends

like friends and clients.

Uh, I, a lot of my life is online now and that's okay.

Oh yes.

It's okay to be both, you know, we don't have to be a hundred percent offline.

We don't, I don't think anyone wants to be a hundred percent online, but we can,

we can have a, we, we can all find, we can all find enough to, and for us to

be enough in that space, you know, even if we just have three to five

friends, if they're really good friends, it doesn't matter.

It is true.

I, I think it's interesting.

And if I may use this, well, talking about friends, because it's so interesting.

There's so many different levels of friends.

It's almost like the word love.

Like you can love the glass of water that we have in our hand.

And you can like, I love my mom.

Those are two very different loves.

My friend, my friend that, you know, I see at work that I only see them at work.

I only see them for a few minutes, but I like seeing them.

They're my friend at work or they are my friend and you don't even qualify it.

And I think that's really fun.

And I love that you said, this is so wonderful to remind us once in a

while about the magic of technology.

Just think, we have the opportunity to find those wonderfully weird people

that are our total jam and we're their total jam and this is, and we're jamming.

It's awesome.

And yeah, we don't even have to say a hundred years ago or 50 years ago.

It could even say 20 years ago.

And then 10 years ago, it's amazing how the game has changed and it's a fun

game because now you get to play.

And I think I want to also introduce that word to curating your community play.

It's fun.

It's fun to be with people that you get to play with because work can

be play and play can be work.

And I don't want to be at the end of the day, every day, so completely

exhausted because I had to deal.

And when you curate your community, that is not a part of the

equation or a very small part.

Yeah.

And if you curate your community and you've got enough good friends, when

things go bad, you can kind of spread them out and you can all support each

other, you can be supported by them.

Um, and they, you know, they can support you and, you know, you don't

always need to go to a therapist.

And also, definitely sometimes you should.

Oh, no, no.

I had a story.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But just, um, you know, it, it makes, it just makes life more pleasant.

Life's supposed to be enjoyed.

I, it sounds silly to say it, but so many of us just, we go on autopilot.

We're living at like 20% sensation.

We're not, we're not alive.

Um, and I think that's because we're lonely or unhappy, or we feel like we don't

fit in, but we, and some of that has to happen in real life, but, cause it has to

happen, you know, in me, but also I don't make any sense at all.

Am I?

I think you're making a lot of sense.

I think that sometimes my brain isn't involved in the speaking, you know?

Oh, that's because there's some divine download that you're processing in real

time.

That's how I feel about it.

If I, you know, and I feel that you are making great sense.

I was happily taken in by your comments about if things go south, it's nice to

have someone to talk to you.

And it was, and yes, you don't always need that.

And at times you do, it just depends on what you need for, for a special person.

Example, a therapist or a doctor or a trusted counselor.

I was thinking of it's just enough, you know, you don't have to unload.

You don't, unless you're someone like me in the past, used to unload people

constantly about something.

And, um, I only bring that up because you do want to be mindful of maintaining

your curated community.

And part of that, you know, sometimes we have our moments.

I had a moment where I was having trouble with my boyfriend and I was unloading

to only a couple of people at work and boy, did I unload and I didn't realize

it was overload and I didn't realize to the point where, so I'm, this might be

just an interjected tip for having a great day.

Just take a moment once in a while, if you're going through something really

deep and I love that you're talking about just kind of spreading it out a little

bit, because that's why it's nice to have more than just, if you have...

You don't need multiple people.

You can't be too intense.

Exactly.

That's it.

I feel that is, if that is the one thing that you get from this talk today.

And here's what I'd love to say.

Okay.

If this is not you, I'm delighted for you.

I'm just guessing you might know of someone or have a client that's like

this or a relative or, and then how do you deal?

And I would like to maybe touch upon that in a moment and coming back to

your, your people that you have curated, this is again, I feel an example of why

it is good to have more than just that one friend that, and I'm going to say it

this way, has to deal with all your stuff.

Yeah.

It's nice to be mindful of saying, you know what, I've got this one

friend, I've got this really deep thing.

Am I putting just a little too much emphasis on the syllable of friend here

where they got to deal with all of it?

And conversely, if someone is maybe in your curated community coming down a

little heavy on things, it is okay to say, I just need a moment here because I

think my cup is full on talking about this.

It's okay.

I like talking about this about curating your community.

It means we're communicating.

How's that for another C?

You got to communicate and it's wonderful to not only, to talk about

the communicating of the good things, not only talking about the things

that I need help with, but just once in a while saying, I know you need this

and this is what I could help you with.

And to have that feeling of, and I heard this today, Danielle, it was just

about, not just, but it was about safety.

I love this.

What was it, the hierarchy of needs to feel safe, to feel safe.

And so I wonder if you could talk about that for a moment, about how nice it

is that we all need to feel safe and safe, not only, I can tell you things,

but safe that if you tell me something, I don't have to flap the handle and go,

I can't believe you feel that way about me.

And I'm just trying to, it's like, it's all good.

Yeah.

I don't know if I can, I can add much more to that, but I think safety is, yes.

Well, like, I find it interesting when a person catches themselves,

but sometimes you can't catch yourself.

Yeah.

You can't always catch yourself.

And it's okay.

I think part of, I'm excited about the people that, that I have curated over

the past year are people that I know have my back and also are not afraid

to tell me when something needs to be said.

And we're not even talking about hurting feelings.

It's just, it needs to be said.

I was caught in a spiral of being, for an example, in a, it was a certain group

that I was having a hard time letting go of, and I had, and someone had to tell

me, they said, you, you, it was almost like, you just need to stop right now.

And I don't think they wanted to tell me like, who wants to go?

I'm going to just say, stop right now.

You just got to just knock this off.

And, and it was almost like, wait, what?

Sometimes you got to rattle a cage.

And I appreciate, again, creating a community is essential for living your,

your great day, because it might not feel great in the moment, but it sure did

feel great looking back at it and saying, God, I'm so glad someone like had the

courage and there's another word, a courageous community who says, I got to

take a stand for your greatness.

This is something that I have observed.

I am going to tell you, and I'm doing it knowing that you might not like it.

They're not.

Yeah.

They, they love you, but they're not scared of what you think.

Oh, that's awesome.

Ooh, that's juicy.

Like, seriously, like they're not scared.

I get scared of my thoughts sometimes.

I'll tell ya.

And now I like you say, but they're not scared.

I really like that.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I think, I think these relationships can get unbalanced.

You know, like people think that coaches are perfect or whatever.

There's this like, oh, they've got their life together and they're

making millions of dollars.

And if I just follow them, I'll be able to do exactly the same.

Um, yeah, we got to be honest with each other.

We really do.

And I love that.

Bringing in the example of coaches or influencers, crews, anybody who, I think

it's wonderful to be around someone who's successful, I think it's important.

Yeah.

We want to be around successful people and also for the right reasons.

Thank you.

Yes.

It's so easy to be connected with someone that you think is for the right reasons.

It, and if it doesn't work out, it's okay.

It's life.

I used to be very upset, admittedly, very upset.

If I thought I was connecting with someone and they were part, I was a part

of their community and then all of a sudden I'm dismissed or I thought it

was a part of the community.

Yeah.

It's just, I, and, um, yeah, it's happened in, in many different places.

It's happened in all of the realms, business, religious, political,

interpersonal, you name it for all of us.

There are times where, wow, guess that's not what I thought it was.

And now it's gone.

And yeah, guess what?

You're still amazing.

You, yes.

I'm talking to you in the audience.

You are still amazing.

Guess what?

It didn't work out.

So what?

There's a line in a movie, I think the birdcage, which I just absolutely love.

And, and the, the characters are, are, are having a discussion and the

understanding of there's no reason to get so hysterical if things aren't going your

way and it was over toast and I just love it.

It's like, I, and it was, um, the, I'm just going to have to name the actor

named Robin Williams and, and he's just saying, it's just toast.

I mean, I have no other way to say it, but I love that.

I love that scene in that movie.

And Nathan Lane's characters.

Oh, you're right.

There's no reason to get so hysterical.

I could just get some more toast.

And why do we act like, oh no, my toast is, you know, and you don't want to have a

community, everybody going, oh my God, my toast, or you also don't want

someone who just doesn't care.

Well, I'd like to care about toast a little bit.

It's kind of my toast and I, I don't want something, yeah, big deal.

Who cares?

You shouldn't, what's your problem?

There's a balance.

And maybe that's what this whole point, my part of this conversation to get into

when you're curating your community, you want to have a nice balance.

You want the people who are very, very impassioned and some who are

maybe a little more chill.

You want people who are incredibly interested in every single detail.

And then you want people who are just like, no, it's okay.

I just give you just a few things and I'll just run with it.

It's nice to have a balance when you're curating your community.

And up until this point, I don't really think we've talked about, does it matter

about talking in this discussion on the community, like you have a business and

you're going to create a community and that community is going to, I think.

Yeah, I think it's worth mentioning.

I think, yeah, I think there's a lot of different types of communities.

So it definitely has to be said like, oh, you can have a community just for the

reason that you all like the same thing and it's totally free, or you can have

the kind of community where you're all learning together and so you're investing

something and you can have all different types of communities, but obviously

we're talking about business right now.

But they overlap.

Ultimately, yes, they do.

They overlap.

And about that overlap, because you brought up, I love when you bring up

things that my mind goes, wait, what?

Ooh, yes.

Talking about the different communities.

There are the communities where you are there just kind of a group.

And this has happened to me where I will see people, the same people

in various communities, and that's kind of fun.

It doesn't mean we interact hardly ever, except we will look at each

other and go, hey, I remember you from this place also, which is cool.

And that happens more often in the communities where I will say that I

appreciate so much, as an example, Danielle, your workshops that you offer

are wonderful and it's a way for people to be introduced to your community.

And I really appreciate when people are willing to share some of their

knowledge, some of their expertise, some of who they are in a group setting,

because there's a fun energy there.

It's like, ooh, drop it in a two.

If you understand what I'm talking about, you get a whole bunch of

people saying two, two, two, two, two, two, two, or if you don't, it's

like, oh, you don't understand.

And then you go to a different discussion.

And the reason I love all of these different communities that are out

there is that, you know what, it's worth seeking out people that you

just energetically jive with.

It's worth it.

I love saying the juice is worth the squeeze or question is the juice worth the

squeeze?

I think it's so worth it.

When you find a few groups that you like hanging out with your communities, your

peeps, then do that.

When they're right for you.

Yeah.

When they're right for you.

And if they're not, there are so many communities out there.

And it's, there are a lot of people in this world to have like a healthy home

social life.

You need a few to have a healthy business that makes money and you know, you, you

can live and do all the things you want to do.

It needs a few more, but there's lots of people in the world.

There's, there's a whole bunch and we don't need all of them to like us and we

don't need to do business with all of them.

We can live in that overlap Venn diagram.

We can live there.

Yeah.

Oh yes.

Now I also want to talk about making sure that you take care of yourself, everyone.

And when you are looking at different communities, you want to curate your own

communities.

You want to be a part of other people's curated communities because that's, be a

part of other people's curated communities.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It's fun.

And I think that's pretty much self-explanatory.

You can be a part of other people's curated communities, whether they are

complimentary, whether there's a cost.

Either way, that's great.

I also want to again, touch on, let's say that you're in a community and at first

it seemed really awesome.

And then it wasn't so much.

That can be a bit disheartening, especially if you've invested in the community.

It's hard enough when it's not what I thought.

And I don't want to say, cause free isn't free.

There is always a cost to everything.

And that's a bit hyperbole land, but there's a cost to things.

It's you're investing your money or your time or a combination of both, but please

know that you are an investment and when you're investing in other things, sometimes

things don't go so right in that community and it can be so hard to leave.

I will say it once in a while, it's just because even though you know, it's bad,

even though it's not, it's man, it's gone South, it's gone so far South.

It came all the way back around and yet you're still there.

And that is why it's good to curate different communities.

You've got your community of friends, you've got your community, this business

community, you've got this, you know, you've got, okay, great.

I've got this awesome networking community and I've got

this awesome business community.

Here's a strategy community.

Here's an, in the realm of things, we have a tech community.

It's nice to have a community that's here.

It doesn't have to be, we're all sharing our thoughts and feelings.

You might need a community.

Just look, I need to be around people once a month that talk tech because

I'm having a hard time figuring stuff out.

It doesn't always have to be the, all the feels.

No, it could be just be supported by and advised by.

Yes.

It doesn't need to be.

But when you have a community that you're stepping away from, I

just want to say it's all right.

Life happens.

And I know that I, I know that I want to say more on that.

I mean, I could talk a whole, a whole bunch about the stories I've

heard or the stories I've been in.

And ultimately when you know, you know, like when I connected with Danielle,

it just, it didn't just feel right.

It felt awesome.

That was a bonus.

Let me tell you.

And there are times where you just have to be mindful of both things.

And I'll start off with the great, when you come into a community and you're

like, oh, this is where I, I am so glad that I am here.

It feels awesome.

And you know what?

We need to celebrate that.

Too often we're not celebrating.

We're not, this is amazing.

Now, conversely, if you are either new in a community or eventually you

realize it's just not for you, there could be a little bit of that.

Um, if you throw a frog in a boiling pot of water, it's

going to hop out awful fast.

But if you put it in a nice lukewarm and start cranking up the heat,

it doesn't really notice right away.

But I like to think that there is a point where the frog does notice.

And once it does, see, here's the thing.

Then there's not much time.

So don't be that boiled frog and just say the moment that you realize, whoops,

I'm in hot water, hop on out.

It's okay.

Yeah.

We only have so much time in a day.

We only have so much time in a week or a year.

You want to spend it pleasantly.

You know, not pleasantly, like everything is okay all the time, but

like you want to spend it meaningfully.

I love that meaningfully.

And as a bonus of when you hop out of that one group, well, you've already

got other curated communities that you can go to and go, I can't believe

that just happened that you've got them going, Hey, it's okay.

We're here for you.

Yeah.

That's ideal.

Very ideal.

And if there was one more little point, a little cherry on top of this crazy

wild Sunday of our podcast on curating your community, I will say it is nice

to have a sense of humor.

We want to laugh with each other and play and be silly.

And I would say, please ensure that you have people in your

life that are playful and silly.

We want the variety and a sense of humor is so nice.

What'd you say?

It's good for your health to laugh, to be joyful.

Yeah.

If you don't have a sense of humor.

You just brought up the word health.

Oh, they're like, I love, I'm using the word

community throughout this.

It's another word of saying groups.

What have you?

And like a running group, that's a curated community.

Awesome.

You're right.

Totally health yoga.

You're plugging into a community and you don't have to be 24 seven involved

in all of these curated communities.

That's what's again.

So wonderful.

It all comes back to, yeah.

Otherwise you don't get one.

Yeah.

And guess what?

You only have one day at a time.

So today you only have one day and that's a gift.

And when you have these curated communities, then you have the

flexibility and the freedom to plan your day and say, Oh, of course I want to

connect to that one person that's just, Oh, part of, part of a, a moment in my

life, that's just part of today.

And it means everything.

And then, Ooh, maybe I'm going to be part of the running community.

And later on, then I'm going to go to this it community.

And Oh, now I'm a part of that community of two.

I get to have this, these calls with Danielle, which are just fun for me.

And I learned a lot.

What I learned today was that reminder about, and thank you Danielle

for using the term health, the word health.

It is important to, to be healthy, to have health in our lives, to have

healthy, well-rounded communities, or they can be very specifically quirky.

That works too.

Yes.

And that's what I learned today.

The niche ones are the smallest highest quality are often quirky.

Yeah, I love that.

That thank you for wrapping it up with that.

And also niche communities.

We have this grand world.

And in that world, we have the opportunity to connect with those

people that are just as wonderfully quirky and weird and wonderful and fun.

And serious and impassioned and very chill and all the things.

However, we choose things.

Yeah.

I'm just like, I get to be a part of your communities, Danielle.

It's really fun.

And yeah, but what I've learned today in this specific

conversation is that reminder.

It's important for your health to curate communities.

And I really want to thank you emotional, all of the levels of health, all of the

levels from feeling safe to feeling fulfilled, I think it starts from safe.

All the way up to fulfilled to have communities that help fill all those

different aspects of your life and having a great day, Danielle, thanks

for letting me talk this out with you.

It's been fun.

Thank you so much.

Jeff can't wait till the next one.

Oh my gosh.

Me too.