Disrupted for Good: Changes That Led to My Evolution

Welcome to Evolving with Elle, where a capable woman recognizes what she's

managing, understands the responsibilities that she's carrying, and chooses

self-honoring over self-abandonment, and decides to continue, change, or release.

I am Elle. I bring the mirror, the map, and the message. You choose how you show up in a way that honors your capacity.

So let's lean in, learn, and evolve together.

Welcome to Evolving with Elle.

We are here because as high-capacity women, we are carrying a lot.

You know, the S word, ton, lot. Okay?

I don't want to use bad language right now. You don't know me yet. Anyway, I'm kidding.

So I want to share with you about an evolution and what it takes to evolve and transform.

And it's not easy, and it's not a solitary sport. I learned that the hard way.

And so as we are here, I want to share with you what I learned so that you too can lean in to what you're dealing with.

You can learn and you can evolve as well. This is a journey that we get to go on together.

So let me share with you my story.

Mommy, I don't want to live with you anymore.

Those words I heard from my daughter, they stopped me in my tracks.

I had to put the dish towel down and look my child right in the face.

And I saw the seriousness with which she shared that with me.

It was difficult to hear because you see, I am a successful woman.

I went from entry level to manager in four years.

I turned six months working remotely into six years before COVID was ever a thing.

So you see, I've been able to succeed in my career, but my home life, internally, I was overwhelmed, second guessing myself.

And there was a lot of things happening all at once, especially for my child to give me that feedback.

You see, I had lost both of my parents.

I decided to get a divorce, and then we were in the midst of a pandemic.

Not only was that a lot for me, that was also a lot for my children.

And I'd always heard children are resilient, they'll bounce back, but you still have to give them attention too.

So my child said, hey, I want to live with my dad.

And as much as that hurt me to hear, I obliged her and allowed her to live with her dad.

And my child held a mirror up for me and let me know that I was approaching my role as mother in a way that I had promised myself I wouldn't.

And I was trying to harmonize working, adjusting to a divorce and the grief of losing my parents with still being that great mom, that present mom.

But that was too many things that I was trying to do all by myself.

And then I joined a community where someone quoted Nobel laureate Maya Angelou, who said, if you don't like something, change it.

And if you can't change it, change your attitude.

Everyone, that is what I did.

I changed where I needed to change in how I showed up as in my role as a mother, in my role as an employee and a business owner and friend.

And I changed my attitude around what it means to be a co-parent, a divorce person, changed my attitude around what it means to be a single mom and to mother my children.

Now that they have a restructured family, meaning their family is into homes.

So part of that evolution meant I had to understand what my roles were.

What were the responsibilities for me as a mother, as an employee, as a daughter who's grieving the loss of her parents and as a sibling and now as a business owner?

That's a lot on your plate. Right.

And I want to pause right here and ask you a question.

How many different roles are you juggling?

How many plates, balls do you have in the air that have you like, in this context, this is what I do in this context.

This is what I do. I'm trying to balance it all.

Am I alone in that?

I don't I don't think so.

So.

In understanding my role responsibilities, that also led me into like, hey, why not necessarily?

Well, yeah, I went on and asked myself the question why I did.

And that sent me down a rabbit hole or pulse sent me down so many different rabbit holes.

It wasn't even funny until again in the community that I joined.

People are like, oh, why are you talking to yourself like this?

Why are you in analysis paralysis?

Figure out who you are, who you've been.

Reflect on that.

And they began to read my label to me.

And I'm like, wait a minute.

That's what you see in me.

That's how I show up for you.

And can I show up like that for myself?

And the answer was yes.

It was yes.

So.

I began to look in the mirror.

Literally and figuratively.

Figuratively.

And I said, if someone.

Out there can see that I am an open, powerful, free woman.

Why can't what's keeping me from seeing?

Well, it was the pain.

From the life disruptions.

Parents passing away, children.

Choosing to live with the, their other parent.

Other capable parent, which is awesome.

And then thinking that, hey, because I'm mom, I'm supposed to.

Have these children with me.

Expectations much.

That's actually an expectation.

One of those rigid rules.

Because believe me, ladies.

Gentlemen, expectations are not bad.

It's the expectations that put you in a box.

That we get to evaluate.

And say, is this my choice?

Or is this something that has been passed on?

From society, from culture.

Inherited from family.

And when you begin.

To separate.

The responsibility from the expectation.

Then you can say.

It was the rigid rule.

That kept me from meeting the needs.

Of.

Insert child, co-parent.

Boss.

And so.

Reflecting.

Allowing someone to read my label.

Tapping into.

Expectations.

And then.

How I am showing up.

I was on autopilot.

I was going through the motions.

Because I thought that was what was expected.

But these life disruptions.

Did just that.

They disrupted my behavior.

I became more aware.

Of L.

I became more aware.

Of how I was relating.

At work.

With my children.

With the co-parent.

In my business.

How was I showing up?

That was a huge.

Evolution for me.

And that is why we're here.

Because.

I tried by myself.

But when I got in community.

Man.

Did some choices.

Open up.

For me.

No more predictability.

No more.

Operating from pain.

And certainty.

Because I thought that was safety.

And security.

It actually was a prison.

It was holding me captive.

Because in that way.

I wasn't choosing.

And so I created.

A framework called.

Expect and see.

And in expectancy.

There's possibility.

There's.

Potential there's.

Uncertainty.

And that's where.

I stepped back into my own power.

I saw.

What other people were saying about me.

I was like, oh, yeah, you're right.

I am.

I'm open to share.

Lessons learned.

I am powerful.

Yes, I am.

I am so powerful.

I am standing here courageously.

Sharing.

Some things.

That hurt me.

In the past.

And I'm able to look at them and say.

These are the lessons that I've learned.

And I am leveling up.

I'm evolving.

And I want to partner with you.

To do the same thing.

Let's step into the unknown.

And what are you going to learn about me as we.

Go through the framework of expectancy.

Is I love movies.

I love books.

And music.

You're going to hear me quote.

Music movies and books.

Because as I grew up.

That was our connection time.

We would connect around.

Music and movies.

Not so much books because we all read something different.

But my dad.

When we would be together as a family watching a movie.

He would pause the movie.

And ask us what life lesson.

Do we see in this part of the movie?

And I have kept that tradition alive.

And my children are so mad at me.

Just let us watch the movie.

There's a purpose.

And then here's the funny part.

When they've shown me a movie.

They paused it.

The time has been passed.

There are always.

Lessons to be learned.

In the relationships we have.

The movies, the music.

And everything that we see.

And the reason I'm bringing that up right now.

Because I'm about to tell you about a movie.

We love Disney.

So.

Disney.

Frozen.

One and two.

You get to listen to the music.

And see beyond the fact that it's a cartoon.

And we think it's for children.

Yes.

And.

As the adults who take the children there.

We get to listen deeper.

And.

As we listen deeper.

To the cold doesn't bother me anyway.

And.

Let it go.

The next right step.

They say something.

So that would be.

That would be your homework.

Check.

Check.

The soundtrack.

Of.

Frozen.

And.

Listen to.

Encanto.

Namely the songs.

About the strong sister.

And then the song about the sister that always made the flowers.

Where she said she made something unexpected.

Check out.

Those soundtracks and now in that music.

And you'll tap in.

To what I mean around expectancy.

Moving out of those rigid expectations.

Tapping into what is really your role responsibility.

And stepping out of.

Balance.

Balance is a myth.

It's harmony.

When you think.

Of an orchestra.

They are harmonizing.

There's all four of these parts.

And.

I'll talk about three of them.

You have the woodwinds.

Let's say that's your mother role.

You have.

The strings.

That's you as.

A woman.

And then you have the drums.

That's the rhythm of life.

It's what keeps the tempo.

So everything else goes into.

The drum section.

And with your role as a woman.

Woodwinds.

That is the breath.

You breathe.

Into those woodwinds.

And you make music.

As a mother.

Yep, I did get those mixed up a second ago.

As a mother, the strings.

You're the bow.

Your children.

Are the instrument.

And you are working together.

To create music.

And when.

The orchestra begins to play.

They harmonize.

Sometimes.

The strings are more prevalent.

Because when you're as a mother.

Yep, you gotta really lean into that.

But the woodwinds are still playing.

And the bass.

The percussion is still marking time.

So it's about harmony.

Because.

With balance, you gotta take something off.

Or put something on.

In order for balance to happen.

Harmony.

They're all going.

They're all happening.

You just shift your focus.

As necessary.

To tap into them.

So I want to say.

Thank you for joining me.

On this first episode.

Of evolving.

With.

This is a collaborative.

Exchange.

I cannot wait.

To talk more with you.

Please check out those soundtracks.