How to Stay Positive Without Ignoring Your Real Feelings featuring Tif Loeffler

Welcome to Evolving With Elle, where a capable woman recognizes what she's managing, understands

the responsibilities that she's carrying, and chooses self-honoring over self-abandonment,

and decides to continue, change, or release.

I am Elle. I bring the mirror, the map, and the method. You choose how you show up in a way that honors your capacity.

So let's lean in, learn, and evolve together.

I have a guest for you. She is super positive, super warm, and a very lovely person to be around.

I love her energy. We are both in the Inspired Podcast Network.

Her name is Tif Loeffler, and her podcast is Positively Yours.

So as we are here on Evolving With Elle, when capable women carry too much, we need Tif.

Because you may hear the Positively Yours and just kind of say, oh, she's just going to be like

sappy, saccharine, and just not grounded. And I will tell you, please take that belief out of your head.

This woman is grounded and practical. So without further ado, let's bring in Tif.

LJ, that was so beautiful. Thank you. And you know what? There are times where

I'm not sure how grounded I am, and that's okay. And yes, it is so wonderful to hear that because

being grounded is a reminder to me that, you know, we're on the planet.

So we may as well just be on the planet. And I am so excited to be here in this moment with you.

And I really love that intro. That was divine. Thank you, my dear.

You are welcome, Tif. So in this season, we have been talking about

how many times as people we don't celebrate ourselves. So to open up and just to bring

this forward, because all of the get all of everyone who's been on this season has talked

about something that they are proud of, that they didn't think about celebrating at the time.

And now you get to choose. It's not based on what anybody else says. It's based on what Tif says.

So as you talk about what you're proud of and what you want to celebrate,

share more about who you are and what you want to bring to this session, to our interview discussion.

Oh, I love it. Yeah, I know all of it. Oh, yes. Thank you. I love that you're asking that question.

That is so kind of you. It's so kind of you because I feel we're kindred spirits in that sense of

letting people know it's okay to celebrate. We want to celebrate more. We are put on this

earth to have fun and celebrate. We are put on this earth to have adventure and experiences

and connect with each other. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to just think about that.

And if I were to pick something that I think, huh, I am proud of myself for it and grateful,

but I guess I hadn't thought about celebrating it, is that, well, we are recording this in

late August 2026. And I had a great summer. And I really want to celebrate that I had a great

summer because I'm all about, hey, let's have a great day. And it was really great to have a

great summer. Now, was every single second of it great? No. But here was the fun part that I want

to celebrate is that I set the intention this summer that I am having a great summer. This

is a great summer because I was continuing with some financial issues that I was really hoping

were going to be cleared up. And they weren't. And also, you know what? I did everything that

I could do on my end. But there are things that people aren't finishing on their end. And guess

what? I have no control over that. So I do appreciate the serenity prayer in the, you know,

helping accept things I cannot, you know, like the things I can't change the things. Yeah,

I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference. And boy, I've been really working

on that wisdom. See, it's okay that you can't remember it, because in my heart, I remember it,

that I get to celebrate what I could change. And that was to make a choice to have a great summer.

So here's how I had a great summer. A couple of ways. My youngest brother and I, we, we live

together with my mom and dad, but also we don't, we don't connect all the time. Like there are days

hardly ever talk. So I decided, Hey, let's get together this summer. And on Thursdays, not every

Thursday, but every other Thursday, we're going to go out and do something. And we have, it's

fun. I started an herb garden this year and I had done that in forever. And I got to give a

shout out to my, my youngest brother for doing that because he helped me with that. And that

has been so much fun. And did everything go as planned? No, I didn't know about taking care of

the cilantro and it went to seed. And, you know, it's just so funny to talk about like, if there's

anybody guarding, they'll be like, Oh yeah. For many of us who don't guard, we'd be like, what?

Okay. I have cherry tomatoes growing, you know, it's just so exciting. And I'm celebrating that,

that. And I guess if I were to say one more thing is celebrating, taking the time to connect with

people that I care about this summer and having fun. And that could be just simply giving them

a call. Now, if I were to add some extra special this summer, you and I are here on your podcast.

And I want to thank you for that. And that is just like so exciting to me. And I'm just like,

oh my gosh, thank you. And I'm celebrating that too. And now that I've, I feel like I want to do

this. Like now that I celebrated that. Yay. Thank you. I want to leave, want to feel it.

Cause you had mentioned something about how do you feel that in your body? And I want to thank

you for that because how often are we like, yes, I am now thinking about the celebration of what

it's like, but are you feeling it? And I feel it as an energy. Like I want to move my hands

because I'm so excited about it. I just want to be like, ah, jazz hands, spirit fingers,

you know, doing all the things. Thank you for that. Yeah. And that just feels really good.

So thank you very much for asking that question. And I hope that everyone who's listening,

I just want, let's just take a moment and let's just pick today. Was there one thing today that

you could celebrate? It does. It, it just can be absolutely anything and just go, oh, cool.

I can celebrate that. And there's always time to celebrate always. And thank you.

You're welcome Tif. And before we move on to, to more, I want to reflect because, you know,

on this podcast, I bring the mirror, the map and the method, and I want to bring a mirror to what

you just shared. If you don't mind reflecting on it. So what I heard you say that stood out the

most, a couple of things, one, you were intentional. You made a choice and said, I am

choosing to have a great summer. Second intention and choice is in my relationship, in my role as

a sibling, I am going to intentionally connect with my brother, a relationship that you value

in your role as a sister slash friend potentially. For sure. Okay. Thank you. And you, you are

welcome because what I love to talk about is the different role identities that we have.

And in those role identities, each of them has a relationship attached to it.

Yeah. And in what you shared Tif,

by you and your brother connecting the way that you did and setting that intention,

you each had a responsibility in the relationship. And when I say responsibility,

it's the privileged thing that task that you both chose to do and you were accountable for,

you entrusted it with each other, like, Hey, we're going to spend these Thursdays together. How,

you know, every other, you know, and then you didn't, it didn't sound like you had

a rigid expectations of each other. When I say rigid expectations, you're like, Oh no,

you're the man. You should be tilling this soil and preparing it for me to plant these seeds.

Right. Yeah. That's the rigid expectation I'm talking about, but you guys had like this

structure. So you guys had expectations of we're going to meet on Thursday. That's an

expectation. That's not a rigid one. It's one you both chose. And by doing that,

you guys were able to flow. It set a structure for you to have a great summer with your brother

and with yourself because you found something that you enjoyed in planting that garden and having

the cherry tomatoes and the cilantro lesson. Yeah. Didn't go well, but you learned something

in that too is exciting. So I just really wanted to reflect on that. And that's part of,

well, let me let the floor is yours. As you heard me reflect on that with you,

what comes up for you? I feel like I take a breath on this. That was so powerful. Thank you,

everybody. I so love having LJ in my life. And here is a new reason that was at first,

I don't know how to describe it. It was almost too much. And I want to thank you so much for

taking me through a process of hearing what I said. You were celebrating through that with me.

And it was so weird because at first I kind of felt guilty. Like, Oh my God, I can't believe

like it's her podcast. Why are we talking about the stuff that... And then as you were talking,

I'm like, Hey, but guess what? This is, this is not, what can we say? No, I love saying this.

Hey, babe, it's not about you. Okay. This is like, we're talking big picture here too. I mean,

you know, it is about us, but it's not about us. And I love it. My ego is, is cheeky and goes,

Hey, guess what? You're fine. Don't worry. It's, it's all good. And then as I listening, I thought,

wow, that is so amazing of you to do that. Thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to

hear what I said through your, through you. And it was a mirror. And if I were to

just say one thing about having a great day is that the only thing better than a great day

is more than one great day. So becoming familiar with experiencing a great day,

knowing what it looks like, experiencing those cool feelings and having them not be so foreign,

but have them be familiar. And that's what I experienced through all of that. So everyone,

I just want to say that was, wow. That was like through me. Whew. Thank you, LJ. I was not

expecting my reactions and some of them I were, and some of them I wasn't. And then,

and then I realized, wow, this is like really cool. So thank you for,

thank you for that gift. That was awesome. You are more than welcome.

And that is what we all get to create with each other and for each other. And so many times

we don't have it. We don't have that space where we can come in, share something that means

something to us, means something to you, those listening, and then have someone celebrate it with

you. And what I want to offer those listening is you actually have an opportunity to do that with

me on Wednesdays because we have elevating conversations on Wednesdays. And that is

actually going to be happening today after Tif and I finish our conversation. And what happens

on these Wednesdays is kind of like what's happening in this interview. It's a discussion,

no stress, just asking questions with safety, curiosity, and a heart genuinely to see you,

to understand you, to get to know you. Because let's face it, as capable, heart-centered,

professional women, especially those of us with children, how many of us have the time

or the energy to pause and just celebrate? And that's why Tif is here because she has

some wisdom around being able to fill it in your body, being able to pause. And remember Madre,

she was in another episode and she also has a pause framework as well, right? And Tif,

we're closing out this season with Tif. She's like the cherry on top around how to

make it through celebrating ourselves and pulling out, okay, who were we being in order to accomplish

that thing? Then when we had the conversations with you, we were talking about how sometimes

we can have those conflicts with others that we're in relationship with our roles, with ourselves,

and just kind of how to be comfortable in the conflict and make our way through it, right?

Then with Madre, the body, feeling it in our body, like what Tif was saying,

I didn't expect to feel all that. And some of it was, some of it, I didn't. But with the mind-body

connection, you're that one person. You're feeling the emotions in your body. You have

these thoughts going through your mind. It's all happening. And then with Christine Gold,

we talked about surfing your edge, being able to step on the edge of your comfort zone,

a little bit out of what's familiar so you can stretch and expand your comfort zone.

And then we have Zakiya, who is going to be talking about behaviors and just kind of how you

show up. And so why not end this season with the host of Positively Yours? Okay. So with that,

Tif, thank you for allowing me to kind of share what we've been through. That was awesome.

Really? Talk about celebrating. Yes. So the floor is yours, Positively Yours,

hosts and queen. Let's go. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Well, I was really excited that we got here so

quickly in the sense that you, well, you reached out to me and you're like, will you be on my

podcast? I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And then trying to find a

time. And it was so exciting. It's like, oh my gosh, it's already here. And I was like,

ooh, what am I going to talk about? About the having a great day? Because I love evolving with

Elle. I love, love, love, love, love. It's just thank you for that. And spoiler alert, I'm going

to ask you for that link for tonight because I get to show up. And I know I'm so excited. I'm so

excited that that worked out. So everybody, excuse me. I just had to share that because I was so

excited. And it's just another way of having a great day. The number one way I have a great day

every day, each and every day is connection. And I call it the key of C because I love music.

And there is a key of C and there's also a C chord. But you don't have to be an expert at

music. I'm not. I just love music. And I love the key of C. And for me, the number one key of C,

that it's connection. So I love connecting. And I thought, ooh, what can I bring to this podcast

to offer a bit of guidance? And I really appreciate you, Elle, for giving me that opportunity. And I

was, I was kind of, I do love playing with acronyms. And I love, or, you know, just like

ABC123. So I came up with something. And thanks for letting me share it with y'all.

Because, and even though I live in the northern United States, I like saying y'all because I think

it's sweet. And also, well, Canada's to the north. So I have many friends that I'm southerner to,

so I think it works out. But I, I wanted to, I wanted to run this by you and see what you think.

So it is up to a choice. And that's another key of C is choice. Always have an opportunity to

make a choice. And Elle has inspired me so much today already. So much. For your audience, I just,

I have to give you so many kudos. You have inspired me throughout this whole journey of

us creating our podcast. Our connection has been, has been so deep in such a short amount of time.

I just want to let you know how much you mean to me. And I really have been inspired. And every

time I hear you speak, I'm like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.

And then I listen. It's so great. And I love what you talked about celebration. And I love

that you remind me about choices. And so I thought, okay. And also,

I am all about an authentic positivity. Because we don't want to be toxic in our positivity. We

cannot have our world collapse and be like, oh, no, that's okay. And I do have my moments of that

in the past. That's okay, too. And it's really, it's really exciting to be back in more of a,

okay, I can, I can be who I am. I can be authentic and be positive. Okay, so there's a great day,

how to have a great day. All right. There's so many ways. And I want people to know that

having a great day, yes, is within your realm. And I know that there will be those days

where it's nigh impossible. There will be those few days where your world is shattered. And I

understand that. And, and, and instead of saying, I've heard the term the good, the bad, and the

ugly. For having a great day, the good, the bad, and the not so good. And I know I talk about a

great day, but I just want the great day to be a great day. But the good, the bad, the not so

good. When you're having a great day, it's all good. I want to offer this to help you anchor into

that good day. And when the day is not so good, I want this to offer this to you as a reshift to

direct you back into a great day. And when the day is bad, you know what? I get that. And this is to

help you get through the day. Get through that moment, just one breath at a time. Because I

understand that too. And so I will go at this through the lens of a good day. Hey, we're having

a good day. How are we going to have a good day? And I came up with PFA. That's my little acronym,

like PFA and PFA. And P is for pause. I don't know about you, but we run through our day, Al.

At the end of the day, it's like, did I even take a breath? Okay, we got to take a pause.

So the P is for pause. Yes, did I eat? Thank you. All right. Marie Curie, can you not relate to

her? It's like, I passed out because I haven't eaten. It's like, yeah, I know because you were

running through your day. And we're all, we all have our moments. We're like, okay. So pausing.

And the pausing is because it is wonderful to have awareness throughout the day, as many times as you

can, if you can even start with one. And before I continue, I want to make two announcements that

even though this can be your biggest distractor, it can also be your biggest helper. You can set

a timer, even once a day for, I'm going to take a moment and we go through PFA. Okay. And first

one is pause. Yes. And then I have F and it is for feeling, to feel, because we do have a body.

We are here in this body, in this three-dimensional world. Yes. And the power is always in the present

moment, feeling. And so just to have that moment is extraordinary. And then A for me is action,

because it is good to think about things, to ponder on things, to imagine things.

And yet, if that's all we do, and we never take action, then how do we create that great day? And

so that, thank you for letting me bring action into it, because for me, that is the choice.

I will now take action. Even if the action is, I got to go take a nap. Even if the action is,

I am now going to have a bite to eat. Thank you. That's an amazing action. Thank you. Because you

feeling something and you're taking action. So thanks for letting me just talk about the PFA.

That's just something I wanted to share because I was inspired by you, even more so on

the other part that I wanted to talk about is just, I like talking about things in little groups,

not huge, because it's all about the little, I mean, the little things make up everything.

And I just wanted to come up. A seed is a little thing that can grow into a big thing. So yes.

And what you're planning right now with PFA, that's a seed. Oh, thank you. I'm just so into

gardening now. It's just so fun. It's just like a rediscovery. So thank you for that. Yay. And yes,

thank you. I just love that, that you reminded me of that. Thank you. And so you're welcome.

I think about, because it's hard to remember lots of things all at once.

You see me glancing down. It's because I am looking at notes and you know what? I like that

because you do need a couple. We can't keep it all in our head. It's okay, people. You know,

it's okay to write things down and then still forget them sometimes. It's okay to get reminders.

And I just wanted to give us a reminder and I'm going to use it three, two, one.

And the three, two, one is first. Now this is for again, any days, good, bad, not so good.

Because I think so often we're just focused on how, how do I say this? It's just back in the day

and it could be medieval times. It could be ancient times. It can be caveman times.

We had to focus on if something was bad because we didn't want to do it again. We needed some

guidance there. We're living in a world where, thank you, where the rules of survival have

changed a lot, but our brain is still back there thinking I have to focus on that, focus on that,

focus on that. And so I'm, and also, I also want to say this, you know what? I'm not saying anything

new. There are other people who've said the same thing and that's okay. I just want to say to all

of us, we get to express ourselves in the way that is unique to us, knowing that we are drawing

upon the wisdom of the ages. And I think that is an amazing thing. Now it's always good to give

credit where credit is due. Yes. Always, because I'm very big on that. I certainly wouldn't want

to, I'm trying to, a penny saved is a penny earned. Guess what? I did not come up with that.

So I'm not going to say, yeah, that was my own thing. I was so awesome. Wasn't it? I believe

that was Ben Franklin. So, you know, again, but it's hard to even to say a penny for your

thoughts because they're not minting pennies anymore. So that's kind of an interesting thing,

but I don't want to get back to the three, two, one. So I'm doing kind of like a little three,

two, one. What are some more seeds I could plant? Just a few. And just to make it real simple.

So three is just take three deep breaths. And Elle, if you would please with me now,

we're just going to take three nice breaths. And as Elle is inhaling and exhaling, I just want to

say, there's no right way to do this or wrong way to do this. It's just, just take three breaths.

The reason we're doing this is again, this is an example of a pause because you might have,

even if it's a great moment, I want you to savor that great moment. If you're having a

not so great moment, then I want you to be able to redirect. And when you're having a absolutely

not great moment, I don't want you to stay stuck in the suffering of it. There will be moments of

pain and suffering. They're just moments, but I want to stress moments. If things get extended,

that is a choice for the most part. There are exceptions, but for the most part. So

just taking three deep breaths. Wow. You are now centered in your body again. You're in the present

moment. This is where the power is. And then this is kind of fun. This is where the playtime is.

Two resets after you pause, because we need to either anchor in an awesome thing that's happening

or we need to hop off that awful thing that's not feeling good and get onto a new, I'm just

Our brain has all these beautiful neurons, and they're wiring and firing all the time,

and they wire and fire together and they grow stronger. So let's say that I'm having a great

time with Elle on this podcast, which I am. Taking a couple deep breaths just to say, yeah,

I'm here right now. Instead of thinking about anything else in the past or future, no,

we're here right now on this podcast. And I'm going to take a sip from this cup.

And this cup has a blend of peppermint and ginger tea.

That sounds good. It's very spicy. I just tried it for the first time last night, and I like it.

And I'm going to add cinnamon next time. So what's the point of this? No, it's fun because

it's helping me stay in a feeling mode in this moment. Now, Elle, please allow me because I

We are mostly made of water and rain comes down from the heavens. And I encourage us all

to take sips of water whenever possible. It's also a wonderful way to, again,

have this nice feeling moment because we're using some of our five senses.

All right. And then another one, just because it doesn't have to all about taste, but

I do love to eat. You can also take your thumb and index finger as another example of something

you can do for that. Two resets for after your pause. This I learned specifically in this way

from positive intelligence, which I think is brilliant that you just take your thumb and

index finger. You lightly rub them together with just such attention that you can feel your own

unique fingerprints. Now, if you like, you can close your eyes unless you're driving them. Please

don't. And you can breathe through this. And it's just for a moment. And this is an option.

Then you can open your eyes. And what did we just do there? Well, we just,

it is either a welcome break in a thought pattern or something that's happening that's not great,

not good. Or if we're just having a moment, it's just like, you know what? I just need to take a

moment. Life is good. Life is great. I'm having a great day. Okay, cool. And so that is, so the

three, two, one, three breaths. As you pause. Yeah, thank you. And then just two kind of fun.

Just think of something like I have a poster on my wall. It's a calendar. And it's from

Alice in Wonderland, the Disney movie in the 1950s. And I just love that poster. And it's

beautiful. It has beautiful saturated color. It's very rich. It's and I love looking at it and just

looking at something beautiful. I'm looking at some someone beautiful right now. Her name is

Elle. She looks magnificent in that pink. I have to celebrate that again with you.

And it ties into the number one. What's the one stand for? How about a compliment? I love giving

compliments. And so there I just one action that you can do, which is also part of your C note.

A compliment. Yes. And you can compliment others. And sometimes it's easier to compliment others

than yourselves. That's okay. You can even compliment yours. It doesn't matter what

you're complimenting yourself on. Now, of course, there's so many things to compliment with Elle.

Her hair is so glorious. I could get lost in her eyes. They are just they are dynamic. They are

just so powerful and beautiful. I love that color lip is fabulous. Again, that color on you that

pink. I celebrate it. I love the background that you have that beautiful, the beautiful blues on the

wall of those paintings. So cool. And you know, that was very easy to do a natural because it's

what I felt in my heart. Complimenting myself depends on the day. But everybody, I'll just

give you like one bonus. Like you can compliment yourself on anything. I got up this morning.

I compliment myself on that. That's an accomplishment and a compliment. I'll

compliment myself on the fact that I remember to wear a nice sparkly necklace because it was

very special occasion to be here with Elle. I can compliment myself on the fact that I

did write down some notes. I mean, it's fun for me to be off the cuff, just like,

oh, we're just going to freestyle. But then what's well, it's nice to have something. Oh,

yes, that's what I wanted to talk about. And I also would like to compliment our mentor,

Danielle Benson, who is our leader for our podcast group, our Inspired Speaking Network,

because I love that she talks about the power of threes. And I want to tie back to what we talked

about earlier when there was the celebration of the summer and then you mirrored it back to me.

And then we talked about it again. And that was so powerful. Do we give ourselves time

to work through things and to go through something three times is very powerful. And that's what

Danielle has taught us. And so thank you for letting me share that, Elle, with your audience,

because she is also a wonderful woman to work with. And I thank her so much for bringing us

together. And I thank you so much for all of your inspiration for me. It's like we've only just

met. And yet look, look at where we are. We have podcasts. They are awesome. And yes. So thank you

for letting me let me share that. And I want to compliment you, Miss Tif, because you shared

some wonderful wisdom with your PFA, the pause, feel and take action. You take three breaths as

you pause. You anchor in two moments of feeling and then you have that C-note action to compliment

yourself and others. And as you were sharing, Tif, I was thinking about how in the threes

that you were talking about, the good, the bad and the not so good, right? I want to start with

the bad really quick. Yeah. Because one, that's where our brain goes first. So let's go where our

brain goes first. I'm not going to fight against that. Why not? Why resist? So we, as women,

we have so many different roles in life, right? What role do I want to pick to talk about this

bad thing? Hmm. I'll talk about work. Okay. At work, we have supervisors, we have co-workers,

we have people that we serve, so to speak, or that, sorry, I don't like the word serve,

people that we collaborate with. Okay. And when we collaborate with those individuals,

I have had experiences where I've done my part in the collaboration and someone else hasn't done

their part and they want to make me have a bad day by going to my supervisor and saying,

Elle didn't do what she was supposed to, to then take the attention off of themselves.

And I'm like, when I have, when I've had those days, I, I say some words, okay.

Vocalize it. Yes. I say some words. I might, um, hit something, something, not someone,

um, I might throw something against the wall. I remember this episode on Grey's Anatomy where

Joe was throwing something soft against the wall because it allowed her to get that energy out of

her body. And when we are having those bad kind of days or what, what I'm describing the action

that I took on those bad days was, I didn't always pause. Sometimes I went straight to the feeling

and I sat in the feeling. I know Tif, you said, don't do that. But before I met you,

it depends. Yeah. But before I met you, I would stay in the, in that heavy, I'm having a bad,

no good kind of day. I don't know whoever said that quote, whatever. I just remember as a kid,

this bad, horribly bad, no good kind of day. Don't know the author. It wasn't me. All right. So,

and I would sit in that for a long time because again, our brains are like, that was a threat

that threatened my livelihood by someone putting something on me that really wasn't mine. And

because I didn't know to be in control of myself and be able to take a deep breath and say, that

has nothing to do with me. Let me bring my receipts and say, Nope, I did this. I did this. I did this.

I'm a detailed person. So that's all I had to do. I didn't have to sit in my anger. Right? And then

I could have made that choice to have a different day. And that, but the action that I actually took

was sitting in it way longer than I probably should have to next section. I didn't just do

one. I would complain to coworkers. I do. Can you believe what he just did? I said the same thing

and he just mansplained it. What the, you know, no shade on dudes, but Hey, it happens. Right?

Cause women I've had women do it to me too. So I just wanted to bring a specific example to kind of

bring some levity here. So I love it. Thank you. Yes. And having those bad days,

that is really a true thing. And then for those bad days that you don't have control over Tif,

I had two of them when my parents passed away. Yeah. Absolutely no control over that.

And there's definitely no timeline on the grief that happens. And I could be having a good day.

And then I don't remember what day it is, but guess what my body does. And I'm like,

why am I so agitated and easily all the different things, right? Yeah. And I'm like, Oh,

it's June. This is the month my dad passed away. And that's why it's important to have

that mind body connection because your body remembers. And if we don't take that time to

pause, breathe it in, go ahead and think, and then feel, take those two moments to feel and get

in the moment. And then for me, my action, my C action was to cry, which is okay. Because after

I cried Tif and everybody on the other side of that, I was like, Oh man, my dad was hilarious.

Okay. So when you guys see me being silly or making crazy puns or references to movies,

books and whatnot, that is my dad coming out. That's my dad. So, and it's like,

I'm both of my parents and though they are not physically on this earth, they're in me.

So I could take that day where it's heavy and it's grief. And then because grief is actually a bowl

of emotions. It's a mix. It's a stew of emotions. And then I could say, Huh,

I feel better. I've cried. I've acknowledged my dad. I remember, I may remember some things that

I don't appreciate, but I also remember the lessons underneath some of that stuff.

And then I can laugh and have be who I am because he helped shape me and mold me as well.

So no matter what kind of day we're having, we can have that choice. We can set that intention

and we can have our C moment, whatever the C is, the note of C as we pause, feel, take action.

ABC one, two, three. Yeah. Maybe you and me. Yes. I couldn't resist cause I, oh, thank you.

Wow. Yeah. And that's the practicality and the groundedness of what you were saying.

And as I said to you guys, Tif, when we say positively yours,

look, she gave you a ABC three, two, one framework, some action that you can actually

take with you. Like right now, just, just take that gift of being able to pause, feel, take action.

And one of those actions compliment yourself. And I love that because that ties into being

able to start with what you can celebrate and who are you being? What at these, this is who you are

at your heart. And when you begin to take notice and compliment yourself and say, Hey, like for me,

I, I, all of the appreciation that has been aimed my way. Let me be honest. I've sometimes wanted

to hide. Yeah. Okay. Because I'm like, I'm actually being appreciated. My cup is being

filled with appreciation because I'm connected with Tif and we are connected. And we're,

we're going to share this connection moment with others to where you all can feel it too.

And when you might be having a day, that's good. You can listen to this and be even better. If

you're having a not so good day, you can be like, Oh wait, it's not so good, but I can choose to

make it good. And if you're having a bad day, you can make it a not so bad day. That's right.

Everything. You can just take one level up, change. That's a C no and change where you are.

Yeah. Yeah. This is just so awesome. And I, I really wanted, and I hope you were fine with me

using some of my own life experience just to show how your, what you gave to us is

applicable. It's grounded. It's, it's action that we can take. The floor is yours. What is,

what you got? I feel like I just, I was so, thank you so much for, thank you for being

you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for bringing that. I was so grateful. I was so

grateful. I got to say it one more time. So grateful when you were talking about,

talking about work, that was awesome. And yeah. And thank you for reminding me that

it's, it's, it's also fun to play. Cause when I was putting, as I, as I put that together and

then I try to remember like, you know, the three breaths and you're going to take at least one

compliment. You can do as many of these as you need, right? It's just, do you need to take six?

Yes, please take six. I usually start with just a couple of different sensory things like either,

you know, you can, you can even snap your fingers. You go, you're like this

cause you're hearing your own voice or doing this and looking at things and touching, tasting,

feeling, smelling. Again, that's just, you can take your pick and then a compliment. But again,

just do whatever you need to do with those. So thanks for letting me,

thanks for letting me workshop that a bit more. And thank you because this, our lives are a

playground. We're here to play. We really are here to play. And thank you for letting me play

here. It's fun. It's fun to be with you and I feel so blessed and I appreciate you.

It's fun to be with you Tif. And I can't wait till after we get off here

because we're going to play some more. Because that is so important what you just said,

to play. Creativity is a form of play. It's fun. Laughter. I love to color. That's one of my sensory

things. And I was on Facebook. I need to find her because she's going to be on my podcast again.

She's going to be on my podcast because we were coloring and I was so used to, I'm, I'm,

I'm a detailed person. I already told y'all that, right? So when I colored,

I would color inside the lines. But when I got on and I'm, I will find, I will find it and put

it in the show notes so you guys can hear about, um, and see what I did because I colored outside

the lines. I used markers, crayons, matte colors, and I just colored on the page. And it was so fun

to color outside the lines, to make something beautiful that most people would be like,

did a kid do that? But guess what? Children play. They experiment. And that is what we get to do,

even as adults, because we can sit in these rigid rules, these expectations that we never

chose. And we can be sticks in the mud and held captive because the rules hold you captive and

hold you small and they're not yours. You didn't choose them. Not necessarily. It could have been

passed down from society, from culture, whatever. Right. Yeah. But when we step into what I call

expectancy, expect and see, because expectations aren't bad. We can expect like, Hey, I'm going to

have a good day. And I expect to have a good day. Right. You're going, and then you're going to wait

and see what actually happens throughout your day. Right. So you can be going, you're, you're, you set

the intention, you got the expectation of having a good day. And then, as I said, someone from work

does something, gets your dander up, touches a nerve. And you're like, wait a minute. I said

that I'm going to, that I expect to have a good day. I get to make a choice here.

Am I going to allow this person to get me off my intention? No. So I'm going to feel, I'm going to

express, I'm going to express, get it out of my body in that moment because it's okay to feel.

And guess what? Feelings can change, change that feel, express it and change, move on. And then

you keep going throughout your day. And then you see, Hey, look at me. I, uh, I changed my feeling

after I expressed it. That's real important. I don't know how many times I'm going to tell you

that, but that's real important. I learned, I learned that from Alexa. Cause she was like,

a lot of times people feel, believe that in order to get through something, you got to journal,

go to counseling, everything else. But sometimes it's being grounded in your body and feeling it

through, which is also what you said, Tif. So we'll have a conversation with Alexa in a future

season, by the way, express it, express. Yes. And then figure out, huh, I've expressed it.

Now, what do I want to do again? Intention and choice. Yeah. And you can live in that

experimentation of the playfulness of what's possible throughout your day. And Tif, you gave

possibilities, the PFA, the three, two, one, and, and it's expandable. You do with it. You still

have a choice. It's just the small seed that you introduced to us, Tif. And then we get to plant it

in our lives, take action on it, implement it, and see what happens to where we can have this

framework that we can flow within and play and be ourselves celebrating, complimenting

all the things, all the things. This has been so fun. Oh, I'm so I've, I've, I'm having so much

fun. I've had so much fun. You are, you're amazing. And you are too, Tif. You are beyond

amazing as well. And for our, our audience, I know you gave us the PFA and the three, two, one,

was there any thing else that you want our audience to know about? Please share what you want.

Oh my gosh, you're so sweet. I want to go, well, how much time do we have?

Take hours. No, it doesn't have to. Here's, if I could talk, cause as I, you know, I'm trying to be

all, it's fun to create and then you want to be clever. And I admit it took a lot of time with

that acronym or, you know, those three letters, cause I would run it through different things

and make sure that it wasn't contradictory to something else. And, and then I just thought,

yeah, you know what? That's a, that's okay. I think if I were to end on a fun note,

it would be, there's that ease and flow. And it, it's just that reminder. I love Dr. Michael

Beckwith and there is one of his, I'll have to share it with you all. It's, it's on, I think,

I can't remember where it's on, but he just, he kind of jokes around the, oh, I'm breaking it

hard. Just making it so hard. And it's just, it's so funny. And then he just talks about the,

that there's that ease and flow when I think it's called your law, your life. And, and when

you are being you, then that's, that's just, it's just all you need. It's just all there

and it's beautiful. And so thanks for letting me just remind everyone that I know we can make it

hard, but we can also allow ourselves some grace with this ease and flow and just take it one step

at a time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time. And I truly want to remind us and not just

plant a seed, but plant thousands of them at one time, everywhere around you. The power is always

in the present moment. Like right now, this is where it's at. This is where it's always at.

And the more we can anchor ourselves and ground ourselves and connect ourselves to this moment,

and it is so much more fun. It is so much easier when you're with people that you love. And I love

you, Al. And thank you for letting us connect to have these moments together and just be here. Like

I'm not thinking about what happened before or what we're going to do next. Although I'm excited

that I'm going to be on that next call with you, but I'm here now with you. So the power of now

and to just take that pause and just take a breath. Just if that's all, just take a pause,

take a breath, just acknowledge where you're at. And just if you can save it, great. If you can't,

then take action on something else. It's okay. Like it doesn't even have to be in any order,

but the power is now. So thank you for that. Letting me just share that the power is now,

and it's been awesomely powerful being with you. I feel powerful and happy and I'm having a great

day with you. So thank you. Thank you, Tif. And I want to echo what you just said. The power

is in the present. And as capable women juggling so many different roles and so many different hats,

we can get stuck in the past and like, oh, I can't believe I did that.

Oh, and then we're just in our heads about it. I wish I would have done it this way. I wish

I would have done it that way. And we're just ruminating. But Tif just gave us the greatest

gift to say that our power is in the present. And the tools, the resource that she gave us,

P3 is pause and take three breaths. That brings you back to the present. F feel two anchoring

items, action in your body, fingertips lightly that anchors you in taking a sip of tea.

You're present. You're in the now. And then a one, an action to compliment. And I'm going to

say compliment yourself. I like that. Yes, I want to claim that with you. Thank you.

Yeah. So this has been an awesome time with you, Tif. And one other thing I want to like,

leave you guys with on the inspired speaker podcast network, Tif hosts positively yours.

Please listen. The link will also be in the show notes. Thank you guys so much for joining us and

having fun with us today and just appreciating yourselves breathing, doing the PFA. Hopefully

your eyes open as you were driving. And with that, we are going to sign off so we can do

elevating conversations that happen every single Wednesday where we can continue to elevate each

other. Take care everyone.